Last monday I had my brains checked again. It’s been over a month now since I left the Move the Brain training. It’s been a time with ups and downs, just like regular life but people around me tell me I’m calmer now. I also recover faster after a busy activity/time/weekend.
I was telling Jon, my neurofeedbacktrainer who also checked my brainwaves this monday, I noticed small things but no epiphany yet. He told me that during the past 14 years, I might have grown a shield for myself, to accomplish a lot of things. Because, despite your braindamage, you did so much. And for that to happen, you had to shield yourself from extremes, is what he said. That shield might be the thing that is slowing you down now. (he told me it was not his medical point of view, but a possibility, he’s not medically trained but has seen his share of people with braindamage).
In my work I had my ups and downs as well. We organized a fun surpriseparty for the bosses, for the 20th birthday of the office. We did all the catering together and had a nice day. I felt good, my energylevel was good so I thought I could take up a task with more resposibility during workhours. But that didn’t go well, I made a couple of mistakes and in the end had a feeling I let people down. We talked it over and we’ll need to find a good solution.
But now, for some first results of the brain-checkup. Jon told me things were looking good, you’re almost normal, he said, with a smile on his face.
Normal, like that’s what I’m aiming for, I told him.
So still a long way to go. I need to open up myself, for the changes that are happening in and around me. Or, to quote Nick Cave, “it’s a long way to find, peace of mind”