Thursday was another day full off different therapies. I had another session off Neurotraining, this time with Nanja instead of Jon. She notices something on her screen and asked me to loosen my jawmuscles and tilt my head a bit. She some kind off signes coming from that direction. I told her my shoulders and neck are often tens.
I also had to work on my workbook and had to watch a video about vulnarability. Now I always think I show my vulnarability, I wear my Im perfection shirt with pride. It makes me who I am today and for the most part I like it. I do value the life i’m living and the people I’m living it with. I was wondering though if my vulnarability and my story about my accident and my braindamage take up a to large part of my identity. I am comfortable talking about it. It protects me in a way, but do I use it to easy?
I know I am more than my accident, but I also know that I’ve become the person who I am thnx to the whole process that took place after the reset I made 14 years ago. It is a huge part of my life. It wouldn’t have been possible without the help of the people standing next to me, my wife, my children, my mom, my dad, my brother, my family-in-law and last but not least some very dear friends (you know who you are).
For me talking about about my braindamage and my accident, is talking about the chances you all gave me the past 14 years to become the person I am today. All I am looking for now, is to reduce this last piece of me that hurt these people that are closest to my heart, the temper tantrums that suck up all my, and probable yours as well, energy. I need to recognize the indicators before I explode, so I can act on it.
One of my fellow inmates here, said it very nice. She said, some time ago I was going home, but before coming home I called my husband and told him: When I come home, I’m gonna be angry at you, I don’t know why yet, but I’ll find something, prepare.
Being able to warn people in advance, would be (part of) a solution. Then at least I would be aware of my state of mind, and my spouse would be warned not to handle me without oven mitts. And hopefully, recognizing it in advance can give me a chance to find solutions to handle it properly, without exploding. I’m getting somewhere, in theory, now lets put it in practice…
Friday, last day of the first week, almost halfway in the program. I’m looking forward to holding my loved-ones close to my heart again, but first my last sessions of neurotraining, personal training, coaching and a nice massage….